I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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