his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
