can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
