Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My first STD was from a foam party
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
