Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
