Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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