My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
