What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
