there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i've created a new STD.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize