despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
