I think my vagina is haunted
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize