I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
