I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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