I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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