Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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