you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
