I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
