I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i now understand why vodka
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
