the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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