Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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