wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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