I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
