The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
