last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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