the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
