It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
