I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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