Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
