you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
