my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
