I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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