we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Watching her eat just hurts me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize