You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
