Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
