I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
