I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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