O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
