just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
