I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
