the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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