he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
