i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
