he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
