omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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