Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
