just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
