I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
