Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
this boner is exhausting
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
