That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
