I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
