why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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