I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
