Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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