Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
