i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
