you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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