you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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