apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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