You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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