wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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