I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
