Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Can I color on your dick again?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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