I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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