oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
