Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
