Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
