I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
