just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize