you traded sex for a burrito?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
