i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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