i don't like sucking hair
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she told me i tasted like america
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
