DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
