why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
