Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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