my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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