i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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