Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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