Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Dear god my vagina.
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