you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
