The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
