I'm jealous of your bromance
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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