I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
