guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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