Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
