this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
