Jerry, you need to find god
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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