And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize