Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
