Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
