i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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