last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
