I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
