Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
