you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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