dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
