she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
