Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
