planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
