Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
