It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize