I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
