Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
