4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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