She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
