I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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