dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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