I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
