My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
