she woke up with a sticky ear
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
