that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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