I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
