oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
