i love accidental penises.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Randomize
