tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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